Oxiclean

Simply put, you can’t find a toxic thing in this house.  Militant green living, as I see it.  Don’t bring your Red #40 anywhere in here, or your VOCs.  I won’t have any of them.

Unless of course, you have laundry in amounts that no human should ever consider when first walking down the aisle and thinking of the dreamy life ahead.  And when you do take on this Mother Load, and use EVERY green detergent out there to save your family, you realize, that each day your 3 sons coat their shirts with every meal, green detergent totally sucks.  And green stain lifters. 

Enter Oxiclean.  It’s the only toxic juice I own, and it lives on top of the washer, where the baby (now one) cannot reach. 

During the 2 minutes I take for myself to use the facilities, I listen to a new hush come over the house.  I make an early break mid-stream knowing how those hushes turn out.  I zip around the corner, swing open the laundry room door…..and there you have it, at the foot of the washer sits the one year-old, sucking the Oxiclean from the bottom of the spray straw. 

So I ask the Sly Fox, in all of his wise 3.5 years, “Sweetie, umm, do you know how the baby got that?”  He simply replies, “He asked for it, Mommy, so I gave it to him.” 

I see.  And so the story goes, Mom hashes out the incidence with Poison Control in grand detail, and it is determined, based on what was left in the bottle at the time of criminal action, the baby would survive, and probably not even puke.